We almost died!

All giraffes are genius. This is a little known fact.

We almost died!

Excerpt: Pages 71-72 “Jack Crow Knows”  - Available on Amazon

Butters jumped off Lisa’s shoulder to land on her favorite spot. Her spot gave a full view through windows to the deck outside. It also gave her full view to the tall tree behind her house to keep an eye out for annoying things. It also gave her full view out the same windows to keep an eye on the ground and all the turtles that may crawl out of Tinney Creek. Turtles with no common sense or self respect.

Butters hated turtles.

“You need to calm down.” Snickers perched on his favorite spot. In the center of a room full of windows looking out onto everything and then some. Depending on how you turned your head. Being a parrot, he could turn his head anywhere and how he wanted. He sat at the top of the tall tree at the center of the room with all the windows to keep an eye on everything. Because male scarlet macaws were made for this job. Keeping an eye on everything.

“I am calm.” Butters spoke into the window, but over her shoulder. She didn’t need to give Snickers the look. Snickers knew quite well he said stupid things.

“If you were calm, you’d stop staring out that window. You aren’t calm. You’re stalking trouble. I know it. You know it. Even Felix knows it.”

Felix perched in front of his particular window from his particularly favorite spot keeping an eye on the neighbor who had proven himself insane. Nothing he did made sense.

 “Don’t drag me into your macaw mess. Neither one of you are calm. You are both landmines waiting for something to trigger you. You are a constant threat. And annoying.”

Felix did not bother to turn around to deliver the verdict of an African Grey with better things to do than discuss truths with two macaws. He had an insane neighbor to keep an eye on.

“You’re both interrupting my concentration. If I miss anything, and we all die because of a turtle that made its way into the house, that’s on you.” Butters settled deeper into her perch.

“You need to calm down.”

“You said that already.”

“You haven’t acknowledged I’m right.”

“Well, you’re right about that part.”

Felix climbed off his tree stand in front of his window. The insane neighbor walked back into the house. He could take a break. Monkey like without the assist of a tail, Felix smoothly ascended the bars of his open cage to place himself in front of his play stand top with a bowl of his favorite breakfast snacks. One does not take chances with the low blood sugar threat while under threat of insane neighbors. He grabbed a dry pasta wheel and cracked the outer edge to make his way to the cog.

“If you two spent as much time trying not to be annoying as you do trying to have a conversation, I wouldn’t have to keep an eye on you! I only have two eyes. Do you want the insane neighbor to find his way in here? I think not.” He snapped another section of wheel exposing more cog.

“Whatever. You’ve been over there for 7 years and I personally have not seen this insane human you go on about daily. I can see out your window, I only see some guy carrying a shovel. Or a hose. Once he threw a ball for his dog to chase. I’ve never seen your insane human yet. You need to calm down.” Snickers tipped his head waiting for an answer to a finely tuned accusation.

Felix snapped a third section wheel and tossed it on the floor. He wanted the cog. It tasted better. “Maybe you don’t understand the threat here. Maybe you are so busy trying to be a tough guy you are no longer a thinking guy. Maybe without me here you’d already be dead. I can’t calm down, we’ll all die!”

Butters stretched her left wing with the help of her left leg and foot. You can’t stretch a wing without a leg and foot. The best stretch ends with a talon fist clenching into a perfect talon ball.

She turned around to look Felix with “the look”.

Felix paid no attention just as he had done before breakfast. She tossed a look of exhaustion at Snickers. He stuffed his head into his food bowl. How can a girl make a point if no one pays attention!?

The room settled into a quiet hum of an air conditioner kicking in, and an Indian Ring Neck hurling 156 grams of himself through a quieted room at the speed of Kirby. He landed on Butters’ cage with a furious thump creating a large dollop of angst inside Butters’ brain. She called out a sharp rebuke to his disturbance of her world and thoughts.

“GAH! What is your problem Kirby? Why can’t you land like an average parrot? I hate that thud.”

“I am above average. I land with an above average focus.” He wiped his beak on the cage rail rapidly. Claiming ownership of the space and cleaning off the warm sweet potatoes he’d just eaten. “What’s the problem anyway, you’re just napping.”

“Napping? NAPPING!? I am keeping an eye on things. Clearly.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s napping. Felix is napping. Snickers is napping. You’re all napping.”

Felix, Snickers and Butters pulled their heads up straight pinning parrot pupils in indignation, they shouted in three separate voices creating a chorus of offended individuals. “NO WE ARE NOT! You almost died and you don’t even know it!”

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